Slowing Down to Silence

I have heard it from several sources now, people who have been on sabbatical.  Often they say something like "When I finally stopped, I realized how tired I really was!"  In some cases the word 'exhausted' is used in place of 'tired' or some other adjective even more harrowing.

I can honestly say I was probably tired, but this past year didn't leave me in a total state of fatigue going into sabbatical.  I went in with energy to spare (albeit a little sick, if you have been following the blog), and in a decent frame of mind.  No flirting with burnout, no major exhaustion.  I am thankful that as I enter my fourth week, I am feeling more and more relaxed!  Every time I realize this afresh, I am careful to give thanks and praise to God and also to Creekside for this wonderful opportunity.

So what have I been up to this past week or so?

- got my bike tuned up and am eager to do more cycling now
- mulched the gardens, re-edged the sidewalks, did a bunch of yard work, looked around for a replacement wheel for my mower (they don't seem to make metal hubs anymore, it's all plastic!)
- songwriting and what I call 'noodling' on the piano and guitar
- visits and get togethers with family and also several friends near and not-so-near
- hanging out with Carina (definitely a great thing :~)
- spending time with the girls, on their bikes, in the park, on the trampoline
- preparing for Quito (drawing up lists, fundraising, etc)
- reading a lot:  Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (Scazzero), Vision: Lost and Found (Stevens), the Bible in English and Spanish (God), The Way of a Pilgrim.
- working on connecting with some churches and colleagues in the area to visit them and sit in on some of their meetings
- contemplation and prayer (quite a bit of this!)

It's amazing how one can still feel somewhat stressed, however, having lists of things you want to do, but also having the luxury of a fairly open and flexible time frame to do it in.  Funny enough, I've found that I've had to cut back on my to-do list to keep myself 'sabbathing' and not getting all 'type-A' about it.  I've had to say 'pick ONE book and FINISH it' or 'pick one task to follow through with today, not five!'

So it looks like I need to be intentional and disciplined even in a season of rest!  Intentional about keeping it restful, and disciplined to keep it simple and focused.

So last Friday I attended the Emotionally Healthy Church Leadership conference put on by Willow Creek Canada at Portico.  The presenter was Peter Scazzero, author of the book of the same title.  It was a great time, during which I was able to re-connect with some old colleagues and friends from my Brampton days, and I found the material compelling and very useful.

Some notes I took away:
- "Church leadership remains violent to the leader's soul and family"  (OUCH, but sadly, all too true!)

- Emotionally healthy leaders live within limits.  This truth is absolutely vital to understand, accept and embrace.  We all have limits, and in becoming more emotionally and spiritually healthy, we learn to respect and even celebrate our limits.  It's taken me my entire life so far to really start to get this.  When I don't live within limits, I quickly get burnt out.

- Lead out of the strength of a strong marriage - making my marriage a priority benefits everything else in my life, work, ministry, family and leisure. 

- A regular habit of silence and re-centering on God, His person and presence, is absolutely essential to maintaining emotional health as a leader.

I'm still processing everything from the conference, but I plan to spend more time building a healthy rule of life for the next leg of my journey.

( . . . But I won't do it obsessively :~)