Slowing Down to Silence

I have heard it from several sources now, people who have been on sabbatical.  Often they say something like "When I finally stopped, I realized how tired I really was!"  In some cases the word 'exhausted' is used in place of 'tired' or some other adjective even more harrowing.

I can honestly say I was probably tired, but this past year didn't leave me in a total state of fatigue going into sabbatical.  I went in with energy to spare (albeit a little sick, if you have been following the blog), and in a decent frame of mind.  No flirting with burnout, no major exhaustion.  I am thankful that as I enter my fourth week, I am feeling more and more relaxed!  Every time I realize this afresh, I am careful to give thanks and praise to God and also to Creekside for this wonderful opportunity.

So what have I been up to this past week or so?

- got my bike tuned up and am eager to do more cycling now
- mulched the gardens, re-edged the sidewalks, did a bunch of yard work, looked around for a replacement wheel for my mower (they don't seem to make metal hubs anymore, it's all plastic!)
- songwriting and what I call 'noodling' on the piano and guitar
- visits and get togethers with family and also several friends near and not-so-near
- hanging out with Carina (definitely a great thing :~)
- spending time with the girls, on their bikes, in the park, on the trampoline
- preparing for Quito (drawing up lists, fundraising, etc)
- reading a lot:  Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (Scazzero), Vision: Lost and Found (Stevens), the Bible in English and Spanish (God), The Way of a Pilgrim.
- working on connecting with some churches and colleagues in the area to visit them and sit in on some of their meetings
- contemplation and prayer (quite a bit of this!)

It's amazing how one can still feel somewhat stressed, however, having lists of things you want to do, but also having the luxury of a fairly open and flexible time frame to do it in.  Funny enough, I've found that I've had to cut back on my to-do list to keep myself 'sabbathing' and not getting all 'type-A' about it.  I've had to say 'pick ONE book and FINISH it' or 'pick one task to follow through with today, not five!'

So it looks like I need to be intentional and disciplined even in a season of rest!  Intentional about keeping it restful, and disciplined to keep it simple and focused.

So last Friday I attended the Emotionally Healthy Church Leadership conference put on by Willow Creek Canada at Portico.  The presenter was Peter Scazzero, author of the book of the same title.  It was a great time, during which I was able to re-connect with some old colleagues and friends from my Brampton days, and I found the material compelling and very useful.

Some notes I took away:
- "Church leadership remains violent to the leader's soul and family"  (OUCH, but sadly, all too true!)

- Emotionally healthy leaders live within limits.  This truth is absolutely vital to understand, accept and embrace.  We all have limits, and in becoming more emotionally and spiritually healthy, we learn to respect and even celebrate our limits.  It's taken me my entire life so far to really start to get this.  When I don't live within limits, I quickly get burnt out.

- Lead out of the strength of a strong marriage - making my marriage a priority benefits everything else in my life, work, ministry, family and leisure. 

- A regular habit of silence and re-centering on God, His person and presence, is absolutely essential to maintaining emotional health as a leader.

I'm still processing everything from the conference, but I plan to spend more time building a healthy rule of life for the next leg of my journey.

( . . . But I won't do it obsessively :~)

Bob Marley: Legend, Icon, Man

Bob Marley's music endures long after his untimely death in 1981 of cancer.  I have always loved reggae's infectious beat and cool bass lines that evoke warm climates and easy going times.  Carina and I honeymooned in Jamaica in 1992 and dream of going back again some day.  Of all the places I've visited in the world, the live bands in Jamaica are still the best.  Marley's Legend CD is one of the first I ever bought, back when Cd's were still the new thing, and there's no better driving music to play when you're on the road.

I noticed that Bob Marley's image now shows up all over the place, even in the souvenir markets in a place like Quito, Ecuador.  He has a place alongside Che Guevara in the Latin conciousness as a voice for liberation and equality, and Marley has become more famous worldwide than he was even at the height of his fame in the late 70's.

Carina and I went to see the new documentary titled Marley on Sunday night at the Princess Cinema (and experience all it's own!).  The film was co-produced by Bob's son Ziggy, and is a fascinating look at the man, his life, and the unique place he had in the political life of Jamaica and in African countries like Zimbabwe.  It got me thinking of the power of the artist and his music to bring people together, to raise awareness, and to heal broken relationships.  But before I get too sentimental on this idea, I must also observe how futile it is for artists to try and take on a mantle of 'messiah-ship' in this broken world we live in.

This film is a must-see for all fans of Bob Marley.  It traces his mixed lineage (his father was white, his mother was black, so he was not-quite-a-part of any one group), the poverty and squalor of growing up in the infamous Trench Town slum in Kingston, and his struggles to make a career in the burgeoning music industry in Jamaica.  We see his embrace of the religion of Rastafarianism with it's belief that President Haile Selassie of Ethiopia was the re-incarnation of Jesus Christ, an episode in the film that is a telling portrayal all it's own of a mortal allowing himself to be elevated to deification with the attendant and inevitable let-down that follows.

Still, as Marley's fame grows, we see the tensions on the home front with multiple love affairs (he fathered many children with many women) as well as his gradual realization that people look to him to be the glue that will hold a fractured country together.  The high drama of a gathering of 80,000 Jamaicans for the Smile Jamaica concert in the midst of political violence is portrayed onscreen with grim intensity.  Marley paid the personal price of an attempt on his life in the lead-up to the concert, and one has to admire his courage to take to the stage the night of the big show knowing there could well be people out there ready to try once again to kill him.  Don't us musicians just want to play our stuff and let the rest of the world deal with politics?  Marley for one realized he had a part to play, and he did so with abandon.

To watch him perform is mesmerizing.  The concert footage gives a good look at his almost 'shamanistic' presence onstage, always moving, grooving, dancing, jumping, letting the music take over his body and soul.  Other concert footage comes from a similar event that celebrated the newly independent Zimbabwe (formerly  Rhodesia), at one point interrupted by a teargas attack. While white middle class American young people were discovering Marley's reggae magic and sending him to Number One on the charts, he was performing for a nation of people who had come through a fierce war for independence and freedom.  The film shows the swearing in of the nascent country's new president, Robert Mugabe, who asks God's help to lead with justice and equality.

Inevitably, all our heroes fall.  Even the gifted artist with an almost god-like status.  Even the well-meaning politician or president.  I was reminded again of what Jesus said, that many would come in His name claiming to be Messiah, claiming to be Himself.  Even someone as gifted as Bob Marley, able to bridge cultures and people groups with the power and passion of music, as legendary and iconic as we want him to be, is still at the end of all things, just a man.  Bob's final days battling the cancer that took his life show this truth in a powerful way.

And so I listen to my Legend CD with fresh ears, reminded again that Bob Marley, like every other artist I admire, is after all a frail and broken human being. 

Granger Community Church visit

One of my sabbatical activities involves taking time to explore what other churches are doing in worship and arts, to get some fresh ideas and perspectives on the work I do at Creekside.  Granger Community Church http://www.gccwired.com/ in Granger, Indiana is a church that has had a lot of influence on us at Creekside, and so this past weekend Carina and I took a road trip together (a worthwhile activity in and of itself !) to visit their main campus and also their satellite site in Elkhart. 

Carina and I had the joy of being able to have lunch with several of the key members of Granger’s worship and creative arts teams, and then to follow them around as they rolled out that weekend’s services.  The gang was unbelievably gracious and very friendly, and did all they could to make sure we felt we were getting enough out of our time there.  A huge thanks goes out to new friends Jason, Dustin, Sean, Dan, Adam, Kristin, Mark, Trace, Austin and Don - a fine group of highly dedicated creative types who work hard together to create meaningful moments in worship at Granger every week. 

I am glad to have been able to have experienced Granger first-hand, to catch their vision, and now I can watch their services online and put names to faces.  Granger has been in existence for 25 years under the leadership and vision of Mark Beeson. Carina and I were blessed to have a few moments with Pastor Mark and to have him pray for God’s blessing on our sabbatical.

I am writing a detailed report on our time there and my findings (I won't bore you with a lot of minutiae and random insights that aren't of much interest to non-worship and arts types, although if you are interested, let me know and I'll forward the report to you!)  Carina also had an opportunity to meet up with one of their Kid's Ministry staff, Ted, who showed her around their Kid's Wing at the campus - she was able to even get a little bit of hands-on experience serving with their team in one service!

What I saw this past weekend was a church uniting around a compelling vision and purpose, and investing themselves to be The Church to their community and to the world.  I saw a team that is not only dedicated to helping each other maximize their potential, but also so eager to share what they have and what they've learned with others.  I must also confess I am envious of their staffing and the full-time leadership they are able to provide in a wide variety of areas of worship and arts.  There, I've confessed my envy, forgive me please!

Thanks Granger!  Looking forward to being back with you again sometime soon.

Books worth reading - God's Smuggler

I grew up reading Spire Christian comics, and one of my faves was God's Smuggler, the story of Brother Andrew, the guy that shuttled Bibles and other aid into communist countries back in the 50's and 60's. 

Brother Andrew remains a global advocate for the persecuted church to this present day, and his organization, Open Doors http://www.opendoorsca.org/ is active around the world, especially in countries opposed to religious freedoms for Christians. Their priority is to make God's Word available to the church wherever it is needed and in whatever languages, and to strengthen and minister to Christians experiencing persecution for their faith.

 

 I just finished re-reading Brother Andrew's famous autobiography (pictured here).  This 35th anniversary edition has an afterword that catches up with Brother Andrew in 2001 to see how the story has continued to unfold since the late 60's, where the original edition left off.  Being in a season of needing to trust God to help us to do something we feel Him calling us to (our family mission to Quito) I have been inspired afresh to SEEK God, to LISTEN to Him with prayeful EXPECTANCY, and then to OBEY.  The personal price Andrew and his wife were willing to pay especially in the early days, and onward through all his life and ministry has been borne of a heart that truly desires to do what God wants done, and makes it's whole self ('lock, stock and barrel' as he puts it) available.  This is one of those accounts of miracle after miracle, of a man seeking to step out in bold faith, and at times experiencing setbacks and doubts, but in everything, seeing God come through again and again in amazing ways that bring only more glory to Him.

I want more faith like Andrew's and a heart that makes it a priority to be immersed in His Word and in persistent listening prayer.  I wish I were better at living this out.  The steps we are taking to go to Quito provide us with an opportunity to engage in faith at a deeper level, but I long to see that kind of faith become more and more the dominant characteristic of all that I do and invest in.

Check out this book - hey, if you have a copy of the comic book still kicking around, can I buy it?

:~)

           

Update on Quito

We are excited and delighted!  Excited as we see things quickly taking shape for our time there, and delighted at the response we have had from all of you who have committed to prayer and also in some cases financial support as well.  We have seen God opening every door in this entire journey so far, confirming our initial faith steps with supply and confirmation all along the way.   

How we’ve been preparing:

We have purchased our flight tickets, leaving July 1 and returning July 30 – Rhoda, our agent at International Teams found flights that were the best fit in terms of flight times and lay-overs, and at a very reasonable cost as well.

We will be getting our shots next week (fun!) – making sure we are covered for the typical illnesses we could be vulnerable to.

Fund-raising has gone amazingly well, we are still approx. $1,500 short of the total goal for the flights and other administrative costs of the trip.

We have been reading some great books on short-term missions and cross-cultural experience, books like “When Helping Hurts”, “Foreign to Familiar” and “Serving with Eyes Wide Open”.  This reading is giving us fresh perspective and opportunity for critical thought on the place and purpose of short term missions work in advancing the Kingdom.  You can read further reflections on these books at the blog site (see below)

We have been thinking through how best to prepare Amanda and Kayleigh – we don’t want to overload them with too much information that would only serve to freak them out before we’ve even left the country.  Amanda and Carina are learning a bit of Spanish, and we will coach both girls on some basic conversational phrases so they can interact with kids down there to a basic degree.

How you can be praying:

Prayer for the entire venture, that God will prepare the way and bring about the Divine Appointments along the way that will be of mutual blessing to the folks there and to us as well.

Pray for wisdom to get the needed vaccinations and everything needed to be physically ready to go

Pray for the rest of the funds to come in to cover the flight and admin costs

Pray that we will have great discernment in the things we plan to engage in while in Quito, that our activities will be a blessing, an encouragement and of value to the church in Carmen Bajo, AND also pray that we will be sensitive to the things they have to teach US along the way too!

Pray for Amanda and Kayleigh, that they will have God’s Spirit upon them preparing them and equipping them to be part of the ministry there. 

Our International Teams webpage is here:  

http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=1415914&langPref=en-CA

From Familiar to Foreign - Lessons in Cultural Savvy

I just finished reading this excellent book by Sarah Lanier called FOREIGN to FAMILIAR, which explains the basic differences between 'hot-climate' and 'cold-climate' cultures.  We are reading this book in advance of Quito, and it has given me a renewed appreciation for the differences we can expect to have to navigate while on our mission trip.

As an MK, and having had the recent experience of two previous trips to Quito, it would be easy for me to consider myself somewhat of an expert on what we can expect and what things we'll need to approach with a different mind-set.  BUT I can honestly say that I still have many blind spots and could easily make assumptions that could be wrong and even harmful during our time in Ecuador.

Time will tell, but already we are thinking and praying about some concerns we have regarding our accomodations, wanting to honour and value the hospitality being extended to us, and also knowing we'll need at least some space to ourselves for some quiet and family time together.  As North American 'cold-culture' types, we value independence, privacy, and not-being-a-burden.  The culture we will be immersed in values almost the exact opposites!  It has been an eye-opener to realize that we need to be ready to be taken care of, to go with the flow, and to be surrounded by people to a hugely greater degree than we are used to in our insular Canadian lifestyle.  I think the success of our time there, and our enjoyment of it, will hinge largely on our willingness to go 'hot-climate', to embrace a way of life much different, and I'm sure at least for some of the time, much more uncomfortable.

Anyone interested in cross-cultural experience of any kind would do well to pick up this book - it's a quick read, packed with all kinds of great and thought-provoking information, and got me thinking more broadly as I applied the principles to psychology, personality types and even theology.

Check it out!

My first FREE SUNDAY !!!!!!!

On this Mother's Day I have the joy of being able to go to church without my 'work-clothes' on.  No team to gather and rehearse, no last minute details to muddle over, no need to steward my voice and energy to make it through three services today!

We will be attending church this morning with good friends who are members of one of our partner churches in the city, and over the time of my sabbatical I intend to visit here and there and experience and participate in worship in a variety of settings.

Yesterday we spent in London with my Mom and Dad, enjoying lunch at Cora's, some mini-golf for the girls while dad and I hit a bucket of balls on the range, played some games at their place and also listened to old recordings of our family doing music for radio that Dad is digitizing.  A super time together and it's nice to be able to enjoy Mother's Day weekend for the first time in over a decade without needing to rush out the door to work.

My Mom joked as we were saying good-bye last night "Now don't be working tomorrow!" by which she meant that I need to just enjoy the service and not get all analytical on the music, the flow or the leadership. That is good advice!  I want to enter into worship today with gratitude for the opportunity to BE LED, and with my service evaluation filters turned to the 'off' position.

Happy Mother's Day to my Mom. my dear Mom-in-Law, and my Carina - be blessed, dear ladies!

Writing songs and digging out weeds

We're already nearing the end of week one!  I have been de-compressing, and finding new rhythm and patterns this week that I hope to refine so that I can make the best use of this time.  The old Jim Croce song says it best:

"There never seems to be enough time to do the things you want to do when you find them . . . ."

Two things I am doing that I have not done with any diligence or consistency for years:  gardening and songwriting.

The first of these, gardening, is an activity I want to continue to grow in skill and practice in over the years.  I love the idea of growing vegetables and fruit, and of maintaining and stewarding a piece of land.  In our home, Carina is the Gardener and I am her humble servant.  I do the heavy digging and  pulling.  This week I had time to just be out in our yard and to observe how pernicious the weeds are this year, and also to poke around and see what's starting to grow again from last year.  There is something quite satisfying about the care-taking of a garden that is deeply wired into us as created beings.  Weeding is never done, but bit by bit, it does make a difference.  It's nice to have time to slow down and enjoy it this spring!

The second neglected activity is songwriting.  Over the years I have been able to crank out some occassional worship songs, but that well has been very dry for a while, mainly because I do not have the discipline or the will to invest regularly in it.  Songwriting is a lot like weeding - the job is rarely done, it takes time and plodding, and the concrete rewards for the work are often meager.

This week I went out and bought a notebook, and have sat down each day at the piano and with my guitar, to just start scribbling out lines and lyrics, and to sing them out into the room.  My sketchbook now has about 5 songs in various states of progress, who knows?  Maybe one day one of them will be performed somewhere for a real audience.  But just to be investing in that craft again, to have the time to simmer and ponder and stew, is a joy I am recapturing again.  Songwriting, like weeding, is never done, but I believe it does make a difference.

So with thanksgiving, I take up my weeder and my guitar and tend to these gifts.

The Man Who Quit Money: A Review and a Reflection

Mark Sundeen’s book The Man Who Quit Money is the true story of Daniel Suelo, a 50-year old American who is becoming famous worldwide as the guy who has lived since 2000 literally without money.  How does he do it?  He dwells in caves or house-sits for friends, and by dumpster-diving for food, clothing and other necessities is able to cover his basic needs.  He has no car, no paycheque, no insurance, no health plan.  What is there to commend this life to anyone?  His biographer Sundeen describes how he has not only found surprisingly ample supply for his personal needs, but has also attained, “to an enviable degree, the universal desires for companionship, purpose, and spiritual engagement”.

Sundeen masterfully tells Suelo’s story in an account that is fascinating and at times gripping in its cliff-hanger moments.  He traces Suelo’s life journey from a Plymouth Bretheren upbringing through his college days, to a tumultuous stint in Ecuador with the Peace Corps. As an idealistic young social worker he struggles with his sexual orientation and a depression that threatens his very life.   Suelo tries with increasing fervour to live a life of integrity to his beliefs, and his travels take him all over North America and beyond to Thailand, India and Tibet to explore Hinduism and Buddhism.   His disillusioned return to the US and subsequent searching finally land him back in Moab, Utah, where he makes the big decision to live moneyless in 2000.

Dinner at Montana's - a great evening

Dinner tonite at the new Montana's - fantastic food and a great experience. They had a clown for the kid's who did awesome balloon animals and face painting - pictures here!

Home run, Montana's well done!

Ahhh, That's Better !!

My what a beautiful day!  Awoke from a deep sleep feeling the best I have for days.  Wasn't sure what the weather was going to be, but today is a pleasant surprise - after dropping the girls off at school I wandered over to Winners and Canadian Tire to do some shopping.
Yes, shopping.  OK, now that I have TIME, what am I gonna do?  I hate to say it but I'm probably going to spend more money than normal, hopefully on stuff that's needed and sensible.
(Today it was some returns, and then oil and parts for the mower, a notebook, some other odds and ends, and oh yeah, a sweet pair of converse shoes)
Quickly realizing that I AM ON SABBATICAL  !!!!  It's finally sinking in.
Now I'd like to do some music, write, read, catch up on a whole lot of creativity that has been too long neglected.
After all, I am rejoicing in the gift of time - thank you Lord!  It's a beautiful day.

On the First Day he . . . . was sick :~(

Well, it's not the way I envisioned starting my sabbatical.  Not with a settled sense of "ahh!", a coffee in hand, watching the sunrise on a new season of life, but rather with an unsettled sense of "ugh!" as I passed a rather sleepless night with an as-yet unfinished bout of gastric flu. 

Spare you the details, except to say that I am on the 'back side' of it all now, :~) having made it through Sunday's rigorous schedule and commitments with God's help and strength.  I wasn't ashamed to ask for prayer and I know many were praying, which made a difference. 

It got me thinking last night as I lay there about what I envision for this time.  My expectations for this sabbatical are many and varied.  My expectations about Quito and our trip there are many and varied.  I should probably also be realistic and make sure my expectations are held loosely - especially when it comes to Quito!  What I hope to do and see and experience may or may not always pan out the way I wish it would.  I pray the Lord will help me to keep centered on Him each day, to receive each day as a gift, and to make the most of it however I can.

Looking forward to enjoying that coffee at some point soon !

My Last Day !

Today isn't quite what I would have expected for my last day before sabbatical - I was under the weather Friday with the flu, and felt better yesterday, but this morning I woke up still feeling rather weak and unsettled.

Still I have 3 services this morning, a prayer lunch at 1:00 and then we're having an evening meeting with the pastors and elders to go over plans for next year.

I'll be earning it today :-)

Nevertheless I am eager to get into the new rhythm and routine and seek to make the most of time and opportunity!

Just gotta make it through this day!!!